How To Eliminate The Self-Destructive Creature Known As Jealousy
Having a relationship with a jealous individual is no fun. Jealousy makes the individual unattractive, even transforming them from sweetheart and supporter, to enemy.
No one wants a jealous partner and no one likes becoming jealous. So how come so many folks are? In my experience you can find numerous reasons, but the main cause is really a breakdown in communications, and this usually happens for one of two reasons:
Something has changed, and then for some reason you don't feel able to communicate openly and honestly anymore. Or maybe one or both partners are manipulating their power by concealing info out of anger, distress or even just plain thoughtlessness.
Both scenarios create communication "black-holes" which are then easily filled with fear, fury and fantasy.
Communication vacuums open room for tons of tough questions from the jealous person. "Has she found an individual she likes much better than me?" "Is she cheating on me?" "Is she planning to leave me?" "Has she found somebody richer, younger, and funnier?"
When you're jealous you assume the worst:
"Maybe she'll fall in love with her personal trainer and leave me."
"She's going to lunch with her boss since she's having an affair with him."
"She's not answering the phone because she's in bed with some dude in a motel!" You know how that one goes? I bet you felt fairly stupid too, when she came in from the grocery store carrying loads of groceries, but even while you unpacked those groceries I bet you were still searching for clues that she'd been cheating!
Wow. We sure make life tough for ourselves sometimes. So how do you handle these awful feelings of jealousy? How do you deal having a spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend who is jealous?
First if you're jealous, you have to communicate. You need to quit assuming the worst and ask questions. Reopen the lines again. Do not be aggressive, defensive, confrontational or prickly.
Second, and just as important, you have to stop looking thirsty for reassurance. How in the world can she respect you, if you don't respect yourself enough to manage your fears and paranoia?
Thirdly, you must remind yourself why you're together in the first place, and realize that a relationship is only worth keeping alive if you can trust one another. If that trust is lost forever, then maybe it's time to leave.
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Don't forget, jealousy is demeaning and humiliating. It really is a sign of weakness and fear. In the end the fastest way to crush monster has nothing to do with your partner, and everything to do with you. When you have great self-esteem, jealousy has no option but to pack its bags, and leave town!
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